Yesterday I wrote about the polluted world I would leave behind which today’s youth would have to deal with. Today I think I’ll write about the youth: You are all a bunch of loud, rude, spineless, superficial, greedy and selfish human beings who will probably all just choke to death on the toxins your grandparents have left behind because you’re so lethargic from being obese or anorexic and you’re too lazy to lift your hands off of your smart phones to save your own planet.
Oh man…I guess this getting old thing isn’t so bad after all! That felt wonderful to say.
When I was young, I always wondered why old people were so crunchy and looked down their noses at the youngins. Although, when I was the young lad, I don’t think I was judged to harshly by the octogenarians because I was raised to have manners and I was certainly never lazy; I had lots of chores and I worked at my dad’s service station since I was nine years old. But I had many teen age friends who were spoiled, they sassed, wore their clothes too provocatively or outrageously, and they might have gone through their lazy stage or destructive phases. But, then again, I think they all grew up to be pretty good people. And maybe my generation turned out okay but were we good parents?
I’m not a parent, but I’m older and wiser and now I really do know everything; plus, I have the floor and I’m writing this shit so I’m going to say no: my generation was not the best parents and the kids will suffer. And I find myself trying to enhance their suffering by my laser-stares whenever they talk on their phones too loudly on the L, throw tantrums at their parents in public, and I enjoy berating them when they tell me Kim Kardashian is their idol.
The “children” who are entering the work force, the ones just out of college, had no parents at home. Both of their parents were out working, or were divorced. Their formative years were supervised by the internet, gymnastics or karate or sports instructors. Their parents were of a selfish generation (mine), yet worked too many hours, which made them purchase easy meals, quick fix products, and cleaners that were toxic yet masked the odors in their homes that they didn’t like. These parents took pills to give them energy and pills to make them sleep and pills to help them “cope” with their children who were literally screaming for guidance in an ever increasing world. It’s no wonder you kiddies are all f-ed up kids. It’s not even your fault. Who were the ones responsible for teaching you hard work, tenacity, manners and responsibility? Maybe it was your teachers and the “reality shows.” Too bad.
I really don’t hate you kids. I feel sorry for you. If I had any advice for you who are still in school and living with your parents, it would be to beg and plead with your parents to send you to school in Europe every summer or to a three-month wilderness camp. If you come from a poor home, my advice would be the same, get away from your lazy friends and parents and join a circus or something. Go somewhere where they will teach you community and a trade. Anything has got to teach you more about what it will take to be the best person you can be other than your lazy-ass parents.
BONUS AGE TEST!:
You have just read Day 34 of “50 Days of 50: One Man’s Sobering Realization That It’s Not The New 40s.” Watch for this blog to become an eBook in June 2012. And watch for Jon-David’s how-to book: “Social Media for Stylists, Salons & Spas,” and the 3rd and last book of the Mafia Hairdresser trilogy, “Murder, There’s an App for That,” both due Fall of 2012.