5/16/2012 DAY 37
It’s so fun to play in the proverbial dirt of gossip, judgement and the ridiculing of others. I know it’s bad but sometimes bringing the hate-on can be so refreshing, don’t you think? I don’t recommend staying in this negative frame of mind too long or you will become a lonely person, but, if you’re going to be downbeat, unhelpful, off-putting or depressing, or mean, then do it well and then apologize afterwards if you have to. And then leave the bad thoughts behind and then read Deepak Chopra or listen to Wayne Dyer speeches to bring you back to your seat on the bus bound for heaven. But today let’s have a little more good-to-be-bad fun and talk about things that we hate. I promise, after I chathartically get this shit out of my head I’m going to make a list of healthy activities that I’m going to do for the rest of the week for myself and others and I’m going to meditate and be in a thankful state of mind. But, right now, you can play along with me; K? Think of this as a mind dump exercise.
Let’s start by listing a bunch of things we hate. Please be original and leave out the obvious, like the stupid young people and their rude cell phone behaviors, the one’s who wear their pants hanging around their knees–I think I covered those nim-rods yesterday anyway. (Obviously, I’m on a roll…!)
Okay, I’ll start: 1) I hate it when I go to the gym and I’ll put my stuff in a locker which is next to many unoccupied/open lockers (I do this so that when I come back and shower I don’t have to be changing and knocking elbows—(or worse!)- with another sweaty or just showered man), only, after my workout or shower, there is an asshole who has chosen the very locker next to mine to put his stuff in. What an asshole f_cking freak! Right?
Now your turn. No no–wait a minute. I got another one:
2) Do you not just hate-hate-hate-hate hurriedly pushing your cart through a grocery store and then running into the same oblivious slow person who, consistently and absently mindedly puts their cart in the middle of the aisle while they walk at least ten feet away to get what they are looking for down that aisle? I don’t know about you, but I love crashing into their cart “on accident” every time they do that.
3) People who say they keep up with world affairs by watching “the news” on Fox or most major networks: you are pathetic. It is not world affairs and it is NOT news, stupidos! It’s local tragedies, celebrity gossip, and “national interest” stories that have nothing to do with helping you to stay healthy or informed about who you should vote for or what issues around the world are affecting your lifestyle or your way of life. Lately, I’ve been only reading my current events paper, The Redeye, which is not a newspaper at all. But as least I will own up to not being informed when I’m too busy on my hamster wheel to do so.
Oh, did you finally think of one that you wanted to add here? Too late! These things should just roll out of your head quickly or you won’t ever be good at the game.
4) I hate how God or religion has become such a cornerstone of politics. This was a country built on separation of church and state so people of all walks of life could live in peace together which ultimately reveals our sameness and not magnify our differences. To the Christian-right: get the f_ck out of the Senate and State and start paying your taxes!
You: shut up.
5) I bet you’re one of those parents who still talk baby talk to your kids—and now they’re useless teenagers. You chewed up your kids’ food for them, you breast-fed them until the decided they wanted a pizza, and they probably are still not potty trained or have ever been made to mow a lawn. Yes, your kids were the ones who got trophies for being losers and you have just raised a delinquent who will need antidepressants when they get to college or , at the very least, a future adult who will move back into your home and become a drain on society. Bravo, lazy-ass parent.
What? You say I said that one yesterday? I don’t think it’s the same thing as my yesterday’s rant. And besides, I probably needed to suss out that thought a little more anyway.
Oh. One more and then I’ll let you get in a few of your own, if you can. This is fun, isn’t it?
6) I hate people who interrupt me. Interrupters are usually just criticizing or commenting on my brilliance because of some form of jealousy or envy yet are not contributing to the conversation with any original thoughts of their own. These people are lazy. I hate lazy. Yes. I think I did say that before. How lazy of me.
Okay. Now let me hear one of yours. Please use the comment form just below. Go on. Let it out. It feels good. I’m going to burn some sage and repeat my mantra for the week while you take your merry little time thinking of your small contribution: “I am a spiritual being, dancing playfully and joyfully through life, and I choose to love everyone I meet today.”
For more abuse go to: mafiahairdresser.com
You have just read Day 37 of “50 Days of 50: One Man’s Sobering Realization That It’s Not The New 40s.” Watch for this blog to become an eBook in June 2012. And watch for Jon-David’s how-to book: “Social Media for Stylists, Salons & Spas,” and the 3rd and last book of the Mafia Hairdresser trilogy, “Murder, There’s an App for That,” both due Fall of 2012.