Mafia Hairdresser Dating Advice

You’re asking me for dating advice? Paleez…!

Mafia Hairdresser Dating Blog

You didn’t have to ask. You just sit right down on my styling chair and let me give you beautiful highlights, a snappy do and then I’ll shellac it all up so you comply with all cycle helmet laws. Before I’m done I would extol my vast dating wisdom including why you should or should not drop the man you’re dating now. I work on the whole person, sweetie. I’m a full-service Mafia Hairdresser.

Before I’d ever give you specific advice on your personal dating follies, one must first understand the philosophy in which my guidance is based:  My philosophy is that you must let the person you are dating earn every “pass,” every “get out jail card,” every “green light,” every kiss and bit of trust you will give him. If they don’t pass, they don’t get. Simple: right?

Mafia Hairdresser Proceed with caution

Let me illustrate: If a guy says he’ll call you and then he does, he gets “a pass!” If he actually matches up with what he says he is with what your Google search and his Facebook photos say he is, he gets a pass!

You may go out with him.

If a guy is late once, or if he has a bad day and seems less than attentive on one of your dates, (applies only after 1st date) you can give him a pass and go out with him again; but only after warning him that his behavior is less than satisfactory. If the behavior happens again within three months he will receive no more get out of jail cards for that behavior. In fact, dump him and move on. Do not return any phone calls. Unfriend him.

You may offer other “GOOJF” cards for different unsatisfactory behaviors.

(You are dating men so there will be many unsatisfactory behaviors.)

But no more than three “GOOJF” cards should be given out at one time.

Mafia Hairdresser Get out of Jail Card Free

When dating, you should always be assessing. Is your woman’s intuition sending your brain a green light? A yellow light? Or a red light? A word of caution here: we all have insecurities so sometimes you can get a false yellow or red light because your old lack-of-confidence-self is telling you crap like, “what’s a hot guy like him dating a brace-faced pimply little girl like you?” If you can quiet your “inner baby” for a few minutes you’ll be able assess whether your guy gets a green, yellow or red light on any particular subject. If you get too many yellow or red lights flashing in your brain about your man, you should seriously start the process of backing away and breaking it off.  I suggest the “FADE:” Every time he calls to for another date (which has obviously resulted in yellow and red lights) tell him that “that sounds great,” but that you’ll have to get back to him – and then don’t. When he calls back make the date and then call just hours before and tell him you have an awful cold sore in a place you don’t want and then tell him you’ll call back later – then repeat, if necessary. (I know the “Fade” is a dude practice but red-light guys would never think that was being used on them.)

*****

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Salon Business Podcast Special Event

Salon Business Podcast + SalonSpaChatSalon Business Podcast

VIEW THIS Special Event:

Jon-David aka Mafia Hairdresser & Host of #SalonSpaChat

Salon Business Podcast with Host: Jeff Demaree

Jon-David talks about Twitter for the beauty industry and beyond for better Salon Business.

And check out the podcasts of Salon Business Podcast:

6 PM7 PM3 PM1 PM4 PM2 PM5 PM8 PM

How to grow you Business with Twitter and Instagram

New Nail Polish Colors For Spring

New Nail Polish Colors for Spring 2013

Certainly are not the same old “this is the new black” for hands and toes. OPI sayss that Matt is the new Shiny with a new glossy laquer top coat that promises to transorm gloss into a vevety matte finish. OPI Co-Founder & Artistic Director, Suzi Weiss-Fischmann offers “Using Matte Top Coat to transform any shade in your collection makes it a more versatile and budget-friendly way to embrace the matte trend. Give your favorite lacquers an update with a new finish without altering the color.” The budget-friendly being that OPI is one of the affordable of salon-lines and their top coat will go over any nail polish.
New Nail Polist Colors.opi.com

What a little rocker chick chic  with new nail polish colors? Get swirl, bling and mod with Magnetic Nail Polish. This crazy cool polish warps because you hold your polished nails under a magnet which makes the colors swirl in unique patterns and no one is going to figure out how you did it. Magnetic Nail Polish is available at Sephora.

New Nail Polish Colors that are Magnetic Particles

More New Nail Polish Colors for Spring 2013:You want more rocker chick? I think Lady Gaga’s Worshop Nail Tips will shake things up for you. For the original price of $28 which has gone up to $38 on Amazon.com, you can get the singer’s signiture look with a little over-the-top bling. Brought to you by Barney’s New York.

Gaga's New Nail Polish Colors

And for my favorite New Nail Polish Colors, check out Dior’s Vernis line. The colors are classic and chip-risistant. One thing that many people don’t know about me is that I when I moved to Chicago in 1992, I didn’t have to work for while I wrote my first book. I was so bored that I just had to get “job-job.” I landed a job as counter manager of the Christian Dior counter at Lord & Taylor in the Water Tower! Some job-job, right?! I sold so much of the Dior polish, as well as their great skin care and color that we had to expand the counter. I love Dior polish because it truly is superior in lastability, shine, and color.

Dior-Vernis-Nail-Lacquer-2013 New Nail Polish Colorshttp://www.dior.com/beauty/usa/en/makeup/nails/nail_lacquers/lnaillacquers.html

New eBook by Jon-David!Twitter For Salons & Spas

50 Days of Women: Women vote Differently over 50

Politcal WomenTo continue my series on women, I bring you, “from behind the chair,” one of my surprising and recent insights about my women clients. As a hairdresser who has daily un-guarded conversations with women, while I do their cuts and colors, it has been illuminating to me that many women may vote one way when she is younger than when she is older. I always thought I could count on a woman to vote from her heart and education where it concerns her political, economic, and human rights issues. But during this election, I have been hearing from my women clients a startling admission: some of the older women will be voting in the opposite direction of their own inner morale compass.
For instance, one of my Jewish Democratic clients, who is wealthy by my standards, will be voting Republican. In elections of years past she would vote Democrat, virtually canceling out her husband’s votes. She told me that all those years of voting for social equality, economic reform, social justice, reproductive rights for women and civic programs were and are still what she believes in; but she has straight-up told me that she is voting for her own personal pocketbook this year. She believes that a vote for the Republican presidential candidate would be more in alignment for keeping her personal taxes down and her retirement safer. She’s over 50, she’s had medical bills, she’s worried about her retirement.
Fact: in 2012, more single women are voting Democratic and the married woman voter is less inclined to vote Democrat than previous years. I believe it’s because married women are also voting for their nest eggs. Most of my younger women clients will be voting Democrat. P.S.: I live in Chicago and I understand we are a Democratic city and state. Where you live, your hairdresser might report differently.
The client whom I’ve have told you about is not the only woman over 50 who has admitted to me about switching from Democrat to Republican and I can see their point of view and I respect their honesty.
To place this insight or revelation in my mind in a way that I can understand it, I recall my men friends who have always poohpoohed my harping on green issues and global warming discussions. A majority of my men friends have expressed that while they understand that individuals should recycle, use less packaging, re-use and buy electric cars, they also admit they like their conveniences and comforts much more than to change the way they do anything, let alone invest in change. I have always understood why men have voted for their personal gain. We are short-sighted as bunch, and we don’t let go of our comfort habits until which time as we are forced to.
But I have been surprised to hear women changing the way they vote, not out of personal gain or laziness, but out of ‘sound’ economic self preservation. Again, I respect my women clients for their up-front reasons to switch. I get it.
But have we become a society where both men and women have given up on the world, the environment, and the rights of the younger people who will out-live us and have to deal with the mess we have left behind?
I offer nothing more but an invitation for further the discussion on this issue on this day of voting in the United States of America. In discussion, we just might learn a lot more from each other, both men and women.

You can probably tell that I am a Democrat by social issues standards and yet I stand by a fiscally responsible government who also can make these issues part of the business of government. Please don’t let my political views keep us from talking to each other intelligently.

A gay wedding causes strife in a family.

mafia hairdresserI have not written a single word since I finished my blog-run of “50 Days of 50, One Man’s Sobering Realization that it’s NOT The New 40’s.” The wind didn’t stop blowing into my artistic sails; I just had to get out of the creative waters for a while. You see, my mom passed away shortly after complications from a “successful” surgery. Oh yes, I will write about that later: I’m thinking of writing “50 Days of Mother,” a personal reveal of my mother’s relationship to me. But I’ll need some time. You understand.
But yesterday one of my favorite clients, Jay, came in for a haircut and told me about his sister and his mother. His sister is lesbian and is looking forward to her upcoming wedding to her partner and his mother seemed to be having a hard time with this. Instead of the wedding becoming a time of joy and celebration, it had become a catalyst in his family where acceptance had to begin; and sometimes that can be rocky. When Jason told me his family story, I knew I had to write again. As with all writers and hairdressers, I know that I have all the answers and I think my own history with my mother and I holds a key to help Jay’s family avoid years of strife and possible estrangement.
My mom and I were always close. We were both powerful and headstrong. As I have stated in my fiction book, Mafia Hairdresser, and alluded to in day 45 of 50 Days of 50, we also had a few years of strife between us. But those hard years of learning to appreciate and love each other again, unconditionally, were also part of our rich history.

Story:
I was living with my high school sweetheart, Chuck, at the time in Long Beach and I was still working at Jon Don’s Salon. I was pretty much grown up and had a grip on life. But I had flown to Antioch, California, to attend a larger-family wedding and then I was going to hitch a ride with Mom and Dad back down to So.Cal.. On the car ride home, mom kept picking on me. She was very pointed and cruel and dad was unconsciously oblivious. This was a time when mom and I barely spoke. She had been having a very hard time with me being gay and so she hated Chuck, and she bade me to keep the relationship “to myself” and not even mention it to my larger family, including my brother–which I did for a while. But I did come out to my family during that wedding, and I got lots of acceptance and love, except from mom…
I broke down on the trip around the pass over the mountains into L.A.. I remember blubbering and screaming at dad, “How could you let her be so mean?!” And I’m sure I was very pleading, hurt, angry and biting back to Marie Elshere, in kind as well. What came out of that “break down” on the highway was that dad and I went to counseling with famed councilor, Judith Doyle. (She went on to produce the AIDS walk in LB of which I was on the committees.) My original plan was to have mom, dad and me in therapy but mom refused.
In these sessions Judy Doyle said, “Of course your mom isn’t going to come to therapy. She’s afraid that you would bring up things that she has done in the past that hurt you.” I was like, “Duh. That sounds like fun to me.” I have would loved to have rub her nose in the fact that she threatened me with shock treatments, she’s a controlling bitch, and that she’s just plain mean.”
But Dad and I changed in those sessions. We formed a healthy communicating relationship. I was still young so I had a lot of wisdom to acquire but those sessions were a great foundation to build on. I also got a few life-tools out of those sessions. Tools that carry me through and guide me in the choices I make for myself and my relationship with others today.
Judith Doyle said to me that if I wanted to have a relationship with my mother, I had to first: forgive her and myself. This is never easy but I have found that, just like the Bible, Buddhism, and so many Wayne Dyer type philosophies, forgiveness is key to moving on to a healthy self and then a healthy relationship. The opposite of forgiveness is seething, anger, pain, hurt–and visualizing negative aspects of the unforgiven every time you come in contact with them. That negativity has to come out while you’re with that person somehow–no? Oh yeah, have fun forgiving yourself for being a dick in the first place and seeing your own part in EVERY relationship. That one is hard. I had to listen to numerous forgiveness affirmation CD’s to forgive myself–for a lot of things!
The second thing Ms. Doyle said to me was that she assumed that I had it in me to want a relationship with my mother; over being right or rubbing her nose in “her past deeds.” It took a few weeks for me to agree, but yes, that was correct. I looked at all the good my mother and I had built between us in the past and I wanted a future with my mother so I thought I would and could let go of the anger as well as what was not so good about our relationship. Once I had decided that I wanted a relationship with mom I was instructed to let go of my pictures of the old mom and start the relationship anew with the new mom. What did that look like? Movies? Cooking together? Bonding over things like art and holidays? Essentially I had to act like the relationship was already like that–when it wasn’t–and then it was…
The last and most important part of those sessions was that I had to realize that I could not change anyone and that I was only in charge of myself in that department. This is never particularly fun for the “it’s all about me” generation because those people love to manipulate other people’s lives. And you know what? I was addicted to drama as much as mom was…
Part of my taking care of yourself is to look at your own life and start living it–this never stops and everyone is always sidetracked. Another part of taking care of yourself is to learn how to set boundaries which helped in mine and mom’s relationship. Many times I had to stop her and say, “You know, I love ya, but when you do that it hurts my feelings.” I usually never even had to put a threat of leaving the moment with her and I never had to raise my voice. Of course, this sort of dialogue came with and opposite–I had to stop doing a few things that bothered her.
Over time and many wonderful years, mom apologized for that time in our lives that was so difficult. I have my own opinions about why she was such a bitch: her oldest son was gay, she was pissed I lied that I was gay for so long, her youngest son had flown the coop and soon my little brother would do the same so who would she take care of…She had no identity without being a mom? And her marriage was…what?–what was her mission there anymore? That time had to suck for her so she grabbed the steering wheel of our lives and steered her family like she always had to and she gripped so tight it nearly choked us.
Forgiveness, love, work, years, and learning how to take care of myself gave me back my mom and it was all because I changed. She did too and I am thankful for her, but when she apologized, years later I was very touched but I did not need it. The relationship was everything and it was more than enough. We actually laughed about those years many times.
I advise anyone who needs to come out to a strong steering-mother: Do what you need to do for yourself. Come out of the closet: tell the world that you don’t want to be a lawyer and that you want to in be an actor and do it. Come out of the closet and tell your best friend that that you can’t be around them because of their drug or alcohol abuse–you haven’t been able to help them and this hurts you. Come out of the closet to your friends and family and let them find their own way with it and give people room to breath with that. Know you can love someone, but sometimes you have to do it from afar to be able to live your life and learn to love yourself–relationships come back together when both parties are ready.
To the sister getting married: I’m sure your mom loves you so much, but she has had such a strong picture built, over years, about how your happiness is supposed to look like. It’s going to take some time for her to let you show her that your vision of happiness is just perfect-for you. You must give your mother more love and understanding if you want that from her. She’s been guiding you and putting your well-being in front of hers for so many years, I’m sure it’s going to be a bit of an adjustment for her to let go doing what has been her main job all those years.
God Bless. Onward.

Here’s a good book for anyone who need to come out in anyway. click here.
Jon-David is a writer and a hairdresser. Buy his books or he’ll cut you! at Joseph Michael’s Salon & Spa.

5o Days of 50: Clear Headed? Or Just Bald? – DAY 17

The Glow Stick Gods

4/25/2012 DAY 17

Okay, I’m cheating here. Instead of waking up early here, I’m using an excerpt from my novel The Glow Stick Gods. I don’t care if you think it’s a commercial break in between the real-time daily blog of which I have chored to myself. And yes, today I just need a break from thinking about the 50 thing. (This would have been a lot easier if I hadn’t added full-frontal mind clarity via my self inflicted 50 days of “drink abstaination.”) But, if I may indulge myself a break, at least I wanted it to fit into the theme of 50 Days of 50. This excerpt is actually the writing of the main character in most of my fiction books, and he’s a hairdresser who thinks of becomeing a writer–which is ludicris, right? I wrote this book years ago and upon re-reading it now, it has become clear to me that I’ve been prepping myself for clear-headed 50 and snarky for years. I’ll let you read what “Jessy” has to say:

THE HAIRDRESSER’S GUIDE TO A CLEAR HEAD

by Jessy

Over the years, I’ve had to cut (no pun intended), a few of my men clients loose. The fact was that I refused to do comb-overs, and “Gallaghers” (silly forehead-bare mullets). These were things that I simply did not want to do (anymore) and was cause for me to fire a client from my services if they requested such a style. Yes, I still cut men who are balding and losing their hair. I still take their fifty bucks for the fifteen minutes of my time and cut or buzz what is left of their hair into what looks best. But no more camouflaging.
All men fear losing their hair. When they’re younger they fear it happening when they get older. They fear it when it starts happening. They fear it after it’s all gone. What a waste of time, and yet, it’s understandable.
There are three main reasons that men fear this eventual and reverse evolution so much:
1. Men with hair tease men without hair. We guys constantly poke at each other’s masculinity, virility and manhood by calling each other fag, pussy, old man, etc. And we all get tired of that, but we cannot stop being teased and we cannot cease teasing others. (I no longer question why, because men do not do that.) To compensate for the taunts, we swagger like John Wayne, hold our cigarettes with our thumbs and forefingers, and grunt to scare off aggressive types. And we pick on the guys who let on when our teasing gets to them.
2. Men don’t like change.
3. Most men are not sure which women/men like men with hair or which women/men like men without hair. With hair there is a safety net. Everyone can like a person with hair. But without? I think only about 10% of the population, or less, actually seek out shaved or bald men. Because of society, in different parts of the country, a bald or shaved head represent a skinhead or Dr. Evil or Lex Luthor. It could also mean “old” to someone not trained to look at the weatheredness of ones neck instead of the head palette.
The fact of the matter is that we cannot protect ourselves from apparent hair loss. Once we lose our hair, we will be fair game for various comments for the rest of our lives. “What are you trying to do, look like Michael Jordan?” “What happened? Your hot rollers get too hot?” “Yeah, I want a bald man to cut my hair.” Now that gets tiring. To bring back our hair once it is gone, we would have to join a hair club, which would open us up to even more razzing. Thankfully, hair replacement is repugnant to most men, not to mention too expensive and tedious. And seriously, hair plugs and pieces hardly ever look normal.
Some people believe that only black men have the right to look good with a shaved head. To some people, a shaved or bald head can mean that this person is so cool and so without ego that he is able to shun the trappings of self pride and media-driven fashion-styling aids. A bald man goes out into the world every day saying, “here I am world. I’m a guy with lots of testosterone. I like who I am. I will not hide behind a moppy veil of head whiskers to fit in with all of you losers. This is me. Accept me. See my knots and sun-burned scalp, I have earned them. I am a true man.”

____________________________________________________
“As you can see, even Jessy has a little bit of writing talent and he makes up words. But he’s sooo much more bitter and snarkier than me.” – Jon-David

The Glow Stick Gods for more

The above picture is actually part of a proposed book-jacket that was not used in the final eBook. This blog is part of 50 Days of 50 which will be a book July 2013.
Twitter For Salons & SpasThis is Jon-David’s latest Book.

I was a comic book fan and I felt like I was missing them too so I went to c2e2 in Chicago. It was fun and overwhelming but I wish I had read this article before. FYI: Green Lantern

The Bloggity Blog of Scott J. Clemons

When I was a kid I loved me some comic books. Marvel was my go-to publisher (sorry DC folks), mostly because I was a total fanboy for Wolverine. That dude was the shiznit, smashing people out and smoking cigars like a champ. Every time that dude dropped the Adamantium hammer on some bad-guy’s face I gave a little fist pump. As you can imagine, I was fist pumping a lot.

At about 13 or 14 I discovered the awesomeness of the Star Wars expanded universe novels.  After that, comic books stopped being my main deal. Not to say that the comics weren’t still sweet, but I just started getting into something new. Plus, the novels were only a couple bucks more and they lasted me way longer than comic books–something my mom was pretty stoked about.

After a bunch of years I started thinking about trying to read comics again…

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Are My Novels Fiction or Non-Fiction?

I made this pictureI just got a text today from a  friend who began reading my second novel, The Glow Stick Gods. I didn’t know he was referring to my book, at first, because he just typed, “maltese? a woman?  hahahaha.” After few back and forths, I got it. He thought one of my characters was a not-so-clever-disguised version of my best friend, and his husband, who had died in a car accident years ago. For a writer to admit that a fictional character was based on a real person can be a tricky thing. Someone might be offended. Or the public may think that the fiction is true and that might hurt a real person. And then there are the legal issues.

Do you remember when James Frey went on Oprah, the first time? He’s the author of the best-selling book, A Million Little Pieces.  The book was sold by the publisher as non-fiction, and I have no use for anything real, so I had no plans to read it; and then I saw that first Oprah show. Oprah asked James how he could be so brave, as a recovering heroin addict, as to go into a heroin den to save a friend? I watched his answer and I listened and watched closer to all of his answers to all of her questions. He was lying!

I may not be a good judge of character when I meet someone, especially in-person. I like everybody, at first. But if I can observe you, say, while cutting your hair, or watch you in an airport, or catch you off-guard while you think I’m not paying attention, I can tell if you are lying. It’s one of my super-powers. When I wrote a blog about how I did not believe this “non-fiction” writer, James LIER! Frey, and how he had not written a word of truth AND I told all my friends this same opinion, I was not very popular. People loved his book and i think they wanted it to be true.

So, I bought his book, and I read it. It was wonderful. I loved it and I could see why is was a best-seller. My friends who had been defending, Jame Frey, when I argued that he probably didn’t do any of the things in his book, had accused me of being a jealous sour-grapes writer because James had a book deal and I didn’t. Okay, true dat. But I didn’t feel vindicated nor gloat when Oprah found out A Million Little Pieces was actually a tome of fiction, just as I had suspected. I quickly discovered that is was his publisher that wanted the book published under non-fiction because they knew they could sell more books, especially if the author could back it up with telling interviewers that it really happened. Author and publisher had no idea the book would get as big as an Oprah book which made it a big target for exposing.

I don’t know what I would have done, prior to the Oprah+James incident. But I know that my books are true  in the sense that all of my characters are alive and serve to help me make sense of my relationships in real-life. My characters have never breathed the same air as you or I, but they are as real to me as you are; maybe this is why they come alive for you, the reader as well.

I’ll tell you and my friend who texted me: all of my “characters” begin with a soul that I borrow from a real person. And then I add the pain, torment, hate and a whole lot more of the love I feel for that real person into my character. I always have a true-crime story that has actually happened to me or friend that I put my characters into. In Mafia Hairdresser, I really worked as a hairdresser in L.A. for a mob couple from the Chicago area. In The Glow Stick Gods, I was really a party boy and more than met the aquantance of the Chicago Taxicab Murderer. In Murder: There’s An App For That, I will write about the dark side of social media and the murder of one of my best friends. (Google the title.)

Once my characters go onto the page and interact with each other and the story unfolding, I have no idea what they will do or how they will react because they seem to learn and grow with each scene.  So, I get to watch them and tell you about them and what happens to them as the story unfolds. But they are not real, even if they might have been “inspired” by real people, or I gave them a piece of a friend’s soul.

Can I tell you if my books are true or not? Yes. They are all true and real,to me.

You can check out my books here at MafiaHairdresser.com