Mafia Hairdresser Dating Advice

You’re asking me for dating advice? Paleez…!

Mafia Hairdresser Dating Blog

You didn’t have to ask. You just sit right down on my styling chair and let me give you beautiful highlights, a snappy do and then I’ll shellac it all up so you comply with all cycle helmet laws. Before I’m done I would extol my vast dating wisdom including why you should or should not drop the man you’re dating now. I work on the whole person, sweetie. I’m a full-service Mafia Hairdresser.

Before I’d ever give you specific advice on your personal dating follies, one must first understand the philosophy in which my guidance is based:  My philosophy is that you must let the person you are dating earn every “pass,” every “get out jail card,” every “green light,” every kiss and bit of trust you will give him. If they don’t pass, they don’t get. Simple: right?

Mafia Hairdresser Proceed with caution

Let me illustrate: If a guy says he’ll call you and then he does, he gets “a pass!” If he actually matches up with what he says he is with what your Google search and his Facebook photos say he is, he gets a pass!

You may go out with him.

If a guy is late once, or if he has a bad day and seems less than attentive on one of your dates, (applies only after 1st date) you can give him a pass and go out with him again; but only after warning him that his behavior is less than satisfactory. If the behavior happens again within three months he will receive no more get out of jail cards for that behavior. In fact, dump him and move on. Do not return any phone calls. Unfriend him.

You may offer other “GOOJF” cards for different unsatisfactory behaviors.

(You are dating men so there will be many unsatisfactory behaviors.)

But no more than three “GOOJF” cards should be given out at one time.

Mafia Hairdresser Get out of Jail Card Free

When dating, you should always be assessing. Is your woman’s intuition sending your brain a green light? A yellow light? Or a red light? A word of caution here: we all have insecurities so sometimes you can get a false yellow or red light because your old lack-of-confidence-self is telling you crap like, “what’s a hot guy like him dating a brace-faced pimply little girl like you?” If you can quiet your “inner baby” for a few minutes you’ll be able assess whether your guy gets a green, yellow or red light on any particular subject. If you get too many yellow or red lights flashing in your brain about your man, you should seriously start the process of backing away and breaking it off.  I suggest the “FADE:” Every time he calls to for another date (which has obviously resulted in yellow and red lights) tell him that “that sounds great,” but that you’ll have to get back to him – and then don’t. When he calls back make the date and then call just hours before and tell him you have an awful cold sore in a place you don’t want and then tell him you’ll call back later – then repeat, if necessary. (I know the “Fade” is a dude practice but red-light guys would never think that was being used on them.)


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Salon Business Podcast Special Event

Salon Business Podcast + SalonSpaChatSalon Business Podcast

VIEW THIS Special Event:

Jon-David aka Mafia Hairdresser & Host of #SalonSpaChat

Salon Business Podcast with Host: Jeff Demaree

Jon-David talks about Twitter for the beauty industry and beyond for better Salon Business.

And check out the podcasts of Salon Business Podcast:

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How to grow you Business with Twitter and Instagram

New Nail Polish Colors For Spring

New Nail Polish Colors for Spring 2013

Certainly are not the same old “this is the new black” for hands and toes. OPI sayss that Matt is the new Shiny with a new glossy laquer top coat that promises to transorm gloss into a vevety matte finish. OPI Co-Founder & Artistic Director, Suzi Weiss-Fischmann offers “Using Matte Top Coat to transform any shade in your collection makes it a more versatile and budget-friendly way to embrace the matte trend. Give your favorite lacquers an update with a new finish without altering the color.” The budget-friendly being that OPI is one of the affordable of salon-lines and their top coat will go over any nail polish.
New Nail Polist

What a little rocker chick chic  with new nail polish colors? Get swirl, bling and mod with Magnetic Nail Polish. This crazy cool polish warps because you hold your polished nails under a magnet which makes the colors swirl in unique patterns and no one is going to figure out how you did it. Magnetic Nail Polish is available at Sephora.

New Nail Polish Colors that are Magnetic Particles

More New Nail Polish Colors for Spring 2013:You want more rocker chick? I think Lady Gaga’s Worshop Nail Tips will shake things up for you. For the original price of $28 which has gone up to $38 on, you can get the singer’s signiture look with a little over-the-top bling. Brought to you by Barney’s New York.

Gaga's New Nail Polish Colors

And for my favorite New Nail Polish Colors, check out Dior’s Vernis line. The colors are classic and chip-risistant. One thing that many people don’t know about me is that I when I moved to Chicago in 1992, I didn’t have to work for while I wrote my first book. I was so bored that I just had to get “job-job.” I landed a job as counter manager of the Christian Dior counter at Lord & Taylor in the Water Tower! Some job-job, right?! I sold so much of the Dior polish, as well as their great skin care and color that we had to expand the counter. I love Dior polish because it truly is superior in lastability, shine, and color.

Dior-Vernis-Nail-Lacquer-2013 New Nail Polish Colors

New eBook by Jon-David!Twitter For Salons & Spas

50 Days of Women: Women vote Differently over 50

Politcal WomenTo continue my series on women, I bring you, “from behind the chair,” one of my surprising and recent insights about my women clients. As a hairdresser who has daily un-guarded conversations with women, while I do their cuts and colors, it has been illuminating to me that many women may vote one way when she is younger than when she is older. I always thought I could count on a woman to vote from her heart and education where it concerns her political, economic, and human rights issues. But during this election, I have been hearing from my women clients a startling admission: some of the older women will be voting in the opposite direction of their own inner morale compass.
For instance, one of my Jewish Democratic clients, who is wealthy by my standards, will be voting Republican. In elections of years past she would vote Democrat, virtually canceling out her husband’s votes. She told me that all those years of voting for social equality, economic reform, social justice, reproductive rights for women and civic programs were and are still what she believes in; but she has straight-up told me that she is voting for her own personal pocketbook this year. She believes that a vote for the Republican presidential candidate would be more in alignment for keeping her personal taxes down and her retirement safer. She’s over 50, she’s had medical bills, she’s worried about her retirement.
Fact: in 2012, more single women are voting Democratic and the married woman voter is less inclined to vote Democrat than previous years. I believe it’s because married women are also voting for their nest eggs. Most of my younger women clients will be voting Democrat. P.S.: I live in Chicago and I understand we are a Democratic city and state. Where you live, your hairdresser might report differently.
The client whom I’ve have told you about is not the only woman over 50 who has admitted to me about switching from Democrat to Republican and I can see their point of view and I respect their honesty.
To place this insight or revelation in my mind in a way that I can understand it, I recall my men friends who have always poohpoohed my harping on green issues and global warming discussions. A majority of my men friends have expressed that while they understand that individuals should recycle, use less packaging, re-use and buy electric cars, they also admit they like their conveniences and comforts much more than to change the way they do anything, let alone invest in change. I have always understood why men have voted for their personal gain. We are short-sighted as bunch, and we don’t let go of our comfort habits until which time as we are forced to.
But I have been surprised to hear women changing the way they vote, not out of personal gain or laziness, but out of ‘sound’ economic self preservation. Again, I respect my women clients for their up-front reasons to switch. I get it.
But have we become a society where both men and women have given up on the world, the environment, and the rights of the younger people who will out-live us and have to deal with the mess we have left behind?
I offer nothing more but an invitation for further the discussion on this issue on this day of voting in the United States of America. In discussion, we just might learn a lot more from each other, both men and women.

You can probably tell that I am a Democrat by social issues standards and yet I stand by a fiscally responsible government who also can make these issues part of the business of government. Please don’t let my political views keep us from talking to each other intelligently.

A gay wedding causes strife in a family.

mafia hairdresserI have not written a single word since I finished my blog-run of “50 Days of 50, One Man’s Sobering Realization that it’s NOT The New 40’s.” The wind didn’t stop blowing into my artistic sails; I just had to get out of the creative waters for a while. You see, my mom passed away shortly after complications from a “successful” surgery. Oh yes, I will write about that later: I’m thinking of writing “50 Days of Mother,” a personal reveal of my mother’s relationship to me. But I’ll need some time. You understand.
But yesterday one of my favorite clients, Jay, came in for a haircut and told me about his sister and his mother. His sister is lesbian and is looking forward to her upcoming wedding to her partner and his mother seemed to be having a hard time with this. Instead of the wedding becoming a time of joy and celebration, it had become a catalyst in his family where acceptance had to begin; and sometimes that can be rocky. When Jason told me his family story, I knew I had to write again. As with all writers and hairdressers, I know that I have all the answers and I think my own history with my mother and I holds a key to help Jay’s family avoid years of strife and possible estrangement.
My mom and I were always close. We were both powerful and headstrong. As I have stated in my fiction book, Mafia Hairdresser, and alluded to in day 45 of 50 Days of 50, we also had a few years of strife between us. But those hard years of learning to appreciate and love each other again, unconditionally, were also part of our rich history.

I was living with my high school sweetheart, Chuck, at the time in Long Beach and I was still working at Jon Don’s Salon. I was pretty much grown up and had a grip on life. But I had flown to Antioch, California, to attend a larger-family wedding and then I was going to hitch a ride with Mom and Dad back down to So.Cal.. On the car ride home, mom kept picking on me. She was very pointed and cruel and dad was unconsciously oblivious. This was a time when mom and I barely spoke. She had been having a very hard time with me being gay and so she hated Chuck, and she bade me to keep the relationship “to myself” and not even mention it to my larger family, including my brother–which I did for a while. But I did come out to my family during that wedding, and I got lots of acceptance and love, except from mom…
I broke down on the trip around the pass over the mountains into L.A.. I remember blubbering and screaming at dad, “How could you let her be so mean?!” And I’m sure I was very pleading, hurt, angry and biting back to Marie Elshere, in kind as well. What came out of that “break down” on the highway was that dad and I went to counseling with famed councilor, Judith Doyle. (She went on to produce the AIDS walk in LB of which I was on the committees.) My original plan was to have mom, dad and me in therapy but mom refused.
In these sessions Judy Doyle said, “Of course your mom isn’t going to come to therapy. She’s afraid that you would bring up things that she has done in the past that hurt you.” I was like, “Duh. That sounds like fun to me.” I have would loved to have rub her nose in the fact that she threatened me with shock treatments, she’s a controlling bitch, and that she’s just plain mean.”
But Dad and I changed in those sessions. We formed a healthy communicating relationship. I was still young so I had a lot of wisdom to acquire but those sessions were a great foundation to build on. I also got a few life-tools out of those sessions. Tools that carry me through and guide me in the choices I make for myself and my relationship with others today.
Judith Doyle said to me that if I wanted to have a relationship with my mother, I had to first: forgive her and myself. This is never easy but I have found that, just like the Bible, Buddhism, and so many Wayne Dyer type philosophies, forgiveness is key to moving on to a healthy self and then a healthy relationship. The opposite of forgiveness is seething, anger, pain, hurt–and visualizing negative aspects of the unforgiven every time you come in contact with them. That negativity has to come out while you’re with that person somehow–no? Oh yeah, have fun forgiving yourself for being a dick in the first place and seeing your own part in EVERY relationship. That one is hard. I had to listen to numerous forgiveness affirmation CD’s to forgive myself–for a lot of things!
The second thing Ms. Doyle said to me was that she assumed that I had it in me to want a relationship with my mother; over being right or rubbing her nose in “her past deeds.” It took a few weeks for me to agree, but yes, that was correct. I looked at all the good my mother and I had built between us in the past and I wanted a future with my mother so I thought I would and could let go of the anger as well as what was not so good about our relationship. Once I had decided that I wanted a relationship with mom I was instructed to let go of my pictures of the old mom and start the relationship anew with the new mom. What did that look like? Movies? Cooking together? Bonding over things like art and holidays? Essentially I had to act like the relationship was already like that–when it wasn’t–and then it was…
The last and most important part of those sessions was that I had to realize that I could not change anyone and that I was only in charge of myself in that department. This is never particularly fun for the “it’s all about me” generation because those people love to manipulate other people’s lives. And you know what? I was addicted to drama as much as mom was…
Part of my taking care of yourself is to look at your own life and start living it–this never stops and everyone is always sidetracked. Another part of taking care of yourself is to learn how to set boundaries which helped in mine and mom’s relationship. Many times I had to stop her and say, “You know, I love ya, but when you do that it hurts my feelings.” I usually never even had to put a threat of leaving the moment with her and I never had to raise my voice. Of course, this sort of dialogue came with and opposite–I had to stop doing a few things that bothered her.
Over time and many wonderful years, mom apologized for that time in our lives that was so difficult. I have my own opinions about why she was such a bitch: her oldest son was gay, she was pissed I lied that I was gay for so long, her youngest son had flown the coop and soon my little brother would do the same so who would she take care of…She had no identity without being a mom? And her marriage was…what?–what was her mission there anymore? That time had to suck for her so she grabbed the steering wheel of our lives and steered her family like she always had to and she gripped so tight it nearly choked us.
Forgiveness, love, work, years, and learning how to take care of myself gave me back my mom and it was all because I changed. She did too and I am thankful for her, but when she apologized, years later I was very touched but I did not need it. The relationship was everything and it was more than enough. We actually laughed about those years many times.
I advise anyone who needs to come out to a strong steering-mother: Do what you need to do for yourself. Come out of the closet: tell the world that you don’t want to be a lawyer and that you want to in be an actor and do it. Come out of the closet and tell your best friend that that you can’t be around them because of their drug or alcohol abuse–you haven’t been able to help them and this hurts you. Come out of the closet to your friends and family and let them find their own way with it and give people room to breath with that. Know you can love someone, but sometimes you have to do it from afar to be able to live your life and learn to love yourself–relationships come back together when both parties are ready.
To the sister getting married: I’m sure your mom loves you so much, but she has had such a strong picture built, over years, about how your happiness is supposed to look like. It’s going to take some time for her to let you show her that your vision of happiness is just perfect-for you. You must give your mother more love and understanding if you want that from her. She’s been guiding you and putting your well-being in front of hers for so many years, I’m sure it’s going to be a bit of an adjustment for her to let go doing what has been her main job all those years.
God Bless. Onward.

Here’s a good book for anyone who need to come out in anyway. click here.
Jon-David is a writer and a hairdresser. Buy his books or he’ll cut you! at Joseph Michael’s Salon & Spa.