I’m a hairdresser who writes. Take your tech and shove it.

I’ve just wasted hundreds of dollars, many hours, months, stress and lots of karma points trying to apply tech blogger savvy to my writing. I have a damned good book to sell, Mafia Hairdresser, and I will do everything it takes to make sure that as many people read it as possible; BUT I am throwing in the towel trying to become a professional blogger to do it. By the way, this is my #TechWeek “tribute,” and my hats-off-to-bloggers, and my shitty apology to my BF & social media friends who said they’d love to help me.
If you know me, I hang around a very cool group of Chicago social media specialists. They have thier own companies, are paid handsomely for thier blogging or Twitter services, and they have all learned how to utilize their posts to drive search engine rankings to thier benefits and connect with other bloggers. It is my understanding that WordPress is now the ultimate blogging application and that it is magic and a must for linking people to your product, profile and services. All my friends use it and they strongly recommended that I use it. It only took me two months to discover that it’s not a website or host and that my website’s builder is not compatible. I had to learn what a MySQL, SEO and figure out File Transfer Protocol (FTP) was and why I needed it. I also learned there is a whole inner-sanctum of WordPress users that remind me of the Dungeons & Dragons clubs of the past: I just don’t want to learn how to delve into the different levels–I just want to play!
You’d think that I would have asked my friends for some help after I bought a hosting service from Bluehost to replace my GoDaddy service and couldn’t figure out a new dashboard. But my BF is an IT specialist. Not a website builder, mind you, but he knows a hellava lot more about how to build a website and move a blogging application into it. Well, it turns out, it was the last thing he wanted to do and I tortured the poor man for two months so, by the time I had time to start asking help from friends, I was so brain-fried and frustrated that I got my money back from Bluehost (they were sweet & I’ll be back!) and trashed the idea of using the culty WordPress application and now I dare anyone to console me or tell me that they’d be glad to help me until I cool down. “I will cut you,” may not just be my motto.
I have read Smashwords Marketing Guide and WordPress All In One For Dummies, and countless manuals on how to upload my book for Kindle and iBook formats. I am as savvy as I’m going to get right now and I’m going reject anymore tech related material that comes my way. This Bloggy Blogger Blogspot will have to suffice for a while and now I will blog once a week here. I will still blog weekly for The Local Tourist magazine under my Twitter handle @mafiahairdreser and, hopefully, bloggers will blog about me. It’s enough, right?
So now, my immediate to-do list: I have book 2, The Glow Stick God, to get ready to be available on eBooks, Smashwords.com and MafiaHairdresser.com. That means promotional videos, press, social media and cover design before November. I am also writing book 3, Murder There’s An App For That, about the murder of a good friend and the sometimes dark and funny side of being plugged in all the time being a “social media expert.” Yes, friends, I’m writing about you. But, if you’ve read, Mafia Hairdresser, or the preview to The Glow Stick God on the eBook version, you wouldn’t worry-I’m nothing but a pissy hairdresser & an ex-professional party boy who writes–AND I fictionalize the truth & I don’t like to hurt anyone with my writing except, of course, myself.