50 Days of 50: Karma’s a Bitch and then you die. DAY 44

5/23/2012 DAY 44mafia hairdresser
So what have I learned from 50 Days of 50? That I just want this all to be over!
But, for now, I would like to stay with the spiritual tone for today’s “lesson” and begin by saying that when I began to write this 50 days of 50 blog I was kind of worried I was going to be exposing my inner self a little too much. Being honest is over-glorified and much more boring than fiction but I’m sure I was drunk when decided to this or I was just jealous of someone who had a more popular blog than mine. (I can’t really remember which shows how quickly one succumbs to age at this age.) Either way, I knew I was beginning an unknown mysterious journey less traveled and I knew I was going learn something about myself and, even if I didn’t know what I was going to learn, I was certainly going to pretend to my fullest extent that I was a real writer who could write real…um…trueness. Anyhoo, onward with a few of the spiritual things I got out of this:
Being mean is part of the spiritual process.
Just because I am good and a spiritual person, I need not have feared loosing my edge or my sense of humor. In fact, being mean can even be part of the spiritual process. Buddha, Jesus, Mohammad, and Confucius all have quite the funny bone. For when they told of their spiritual parables, spoke of the journey being the enlightenment, and stuff like “Chop wood and carry water,” they knew it was all a crock of bull. With a wave of wand, or few sentences, they could have given us all the answers to your life’s quandaries or granted us what to our heart desired. But they all wanted all people to go through what they did to get theirs. Of course they’d tell you that the prayers, sweat and mistakes you make along the way is a required part of your spiritual fulfillment. Jesus, ha, ha, ha. They’re all probably laughing at all of us right now as we all begin our next struggle. So that’s what I’ll continue to do too: laugh at your struggles. It is a spiritual validation knowing I have gained so much from my own journey and I can’t wait to laugh at yours.
Karma’s a bitch.
As I write today’s entry, I sit in my new office without windows and I am miserable. It has been a year since I was first diagnosed with allergies and the past two weeks have been the worst for all allergies sufferers. The global warming has made the plants, weeds, pollens, mold and dust explode into the breathing air not just in a particular season or span of a week or two for each allergen, but altogether at one time for longer spells–weeks, months. For those of you who don’t know what it’s like to suffer from allergies, let me tell what it feels like. It feels like that cold sweat that takes over you when you are about to barf, except that the bloaty-pressure that you feel in your stomach is in your sinuses. You have about as much energy as when you have a flu and you sniff, cough, snort, garg, hack and sneeze where ever you are. It only escalates when you are in social setting or styling people’s hair, especially if you’ve been outside for any length of time before being around other human beings. I’m happy I don’t have window in my office. To me, outside is about as inviting as nuclear fallout and I want no part of it.
How did this happen to me? Why did allergies wait to plague my body and my social life till I was 49 years old? Because I’m old and I’m obviously supposed to get a hint that the whole body-temple thing has an expiration date. Thanks, God, I get it and I can almost hear you chuckling.
Another reason I now suffer is because before I had allergies I had no empathy to those who suffered from them. As I was growing up, my dad and my little brother were, like, totally gross to me when they were hacking and snorting and having my mom rub menthol products on their chests at night so they could breath and sleep. I can remember thinking that I just wish they would put corks up each of their nostrils so I wouldn’t have to listen to the sniffs or see them blow their noses for the 100th time during family dinner. And, up to now, I had no patience for any of my friends who couldn’t come out to “play” because of their allergies. Well, I get it now. You people were doing all the same things that I’ve done all my life only with one hand behind your back, with a headache of death and zero energy. Karma is a f___ing bitch!
So I leave you with my special Mafia Hairdresser advice to think only good thoughts about everyone you come in contact with and pray for those who suffer and Karma will probably reward you. But if you would like to feel better about yourself don’t try and help anyone by giving out any good advice. You’ll only be wasting your time and they probably won’t listen to you anyway. Just let them go through their life-shit themselves so you can be the one laughing at them when they fall along the way. And it’s okay to laugh at other’s people Karma comeuppance, that’s just frosting on the cake.
Now that I’ve helped you, I’m sure I’ve gain a few Karma-chits, so if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to blow my nose and then take a drug that will make me feel as if I’m sleep walking all day. Then I’m going to walk my dogs, and hack, snort, sneeze…
Go ahead, my fellow allergy sufferers. I know you’ve suffered longer than I have so you can laugh.

If you go to mafiahairdresser.com you can buy my two book which are based on my life in the 80s and then in the 90s. You can read all about how much more karma is coming to me.

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