4/25/2012 DAY 17
Okay, I’m cheating here. Instead of waking up early here, I’m using an excerpt from my novel The Glow Stick Gods. I don’t care if you think it’s a commercial break in between the real-time daily blog of which I have chored to myself. And yes, today I just need a break from thinking about the 50 thing. (This would have been a lot easier if I hadn’t added full-frontal mind clarity via my self inflicted 50 days of “drink abstaination.”) But, if I may indulge myself a break, at least I wanted it to fit into the theme of 50 Days of 50. This excerpt is actually the writing of the main character in most of my fiction books, and he’s a hairdresser who thinks of becomeing a writer–which is ludicris, right? I wrote this book years ago and upon re-reading it now, it has become clear to me that I’ve been prepping myself for clear-headed 50 and snarky for years. I’ll let you read what “Jessy” has to say:
THE HAIRDRESSER’S GUIDE TO A CLEAR HEAD
Over the years, I’ve had to cut (no pun intended), a few of my men clients loose. The fact was that I refused to do comb-overs, and “Gallaghers” (silly forehead-bare mullets). These were things that I simply did not want to do (anymore) and was cause for me to fire a client from my services if they requested such a style. Yes, I still cut men who are balding and losing their hair. I still take their fifty bucks for the fifteen minutes of my time and cut or buzz what is left of their hair into what looks best. But no more camouflaging.
All men fear losing their hair. When they’re younger they fear it happening when they get older. They fear it when it starts happening. They fear it after it’s all gone. What a waste of time, and yet, it’s understandable.
There are three main reasons that men fear this eventual and reverse evolution so much:
1. Men with hair tease men without hair. We guys constantly poke at each other’s masculinity, virility and manhood by calling each other fag, pussy, old man, etc. And we all get tired of that, but we cannot stop being teased and we cannot cease teasing others. (I no longer question why, because men do not do that.) To compensate for the taunts, we swagger like John Wayne, hold our cigarettes with our thumbs and forefingers, and grunt to scare off aggressive types. And we pick on the guys who let on when our teasing gets to them.
2. Men don’t like change.
3. Most men are not sure which women/men like men with hair or which women/men like men without hair. With hair there is a safety net. Everyone can like a person with hair. But without? I think only about 10% of the population, or less, actually seek out shaved or bald men. Because of society, in different parts of the country, a bald or shaved head represent a skinhead or Dr. Evil or Lex Luthor. It could also mean “old” to someone not trained to look at the weatheredness of ones neck instead of the head palette.
The fact of the matter is that we cannot protect ourselves from apparent hair loss. Once we lose our hair, we will be fair game for various comments for the rest of our lives. “What are you trying to do, look like Michael Jordan?” “What happened? Your hot rollers get too hot?” “Yeah, I want a bald man to cut my hair.” Now that gets tiring. To bring back our hair once it is gone, we would have to join a hair club, which would open us up to even more razzing. Thankfully, hair replacement is repugnant to most men, not to mention too expensive and tedious. And seriously, hair plugs and pieces hardly ever look normal.
Some people believe that only black men have the right to look good with a shaved head. To some people, a shaved or bald head can mean that this person is so cool and so without ego that he is able to shun the trappings of self pride and media-driven fashion-styling aids. A bald man goes out into the world every day saying, “here I am world. I’m a guy with lots of testosterone. I like who I am. I will not hide behind a moppy veil of head whiskers to fit in with all of you losers. This is me. Accept me. See my knots and sun-burned scalp, I have earned them. I am a true man.”
“As you can see, even Jessy has a little bit of writing talent and he makes up words. But he’s sooo much more bitter and snarkier than me.” – Jon-David