50 Days of 50: Read This Or The Dog Gets It – Day14


4/22/2012 Day 14

God damn it if I’m trying to help some people here: namely the men who might be having a hard time with getting older & less desirable which leads to getting laid a lot less. And yet in the past two weeks of posting 50 Days of 50 (of important stuff–like getting laid!) on my Facebook wall or on Twitter I get, like, next to nothing when compared to the accolades, the LIKES, the “awwws” and “how cutes” as I do whenever I post a picture of my dog, Junebug.

It’s been frustrating pouring my heart onto these pages every morning right after walking Olive* and Junebug when more people seem to want to look at cute pictures of a dog for a bleeping fleeting moment and then they use their “precious time” to make a comment about it rather than take a few minutes to write to their congressman about global warming or actually learning how to be a better loving human being like me and read what I’m teaching right here as I torture myself through not drinking for these 50 long bitter days!
(*Olive is my “boyfriends’ lab-doodle” that I play ball with everyday. She actually loves me more but she pretends that she’s still his dog because I’ve taken the time to teach her charity and kindness too.)

Naturally, I wonder what I must be doing wrong. Maybe this 50 thing was off-putting? I know it is to me and that is why I started writing this “self-helper.” I needed some outside advice so I called my friend Silvia (not the 76 year old drinking pro–that’s Sylvia) who is a spiritual and physical councilor. Silvia came over and did a “Lifeline” session with me where I had to ground my root chakra while holding a rock under my crotch while wearing red sunglasses. After being told that I have an anger consciousness which has been ingrained and following me through reincarnations since a complicated birth in a past life, circa 856 A.D., it became clear to me that it was the tone of my writing that had made people shy away from my soul baring stories of wisdom.

I also did some scientific research and found out that the sight of puppies, kittens, small cute furry animals and humans actually incites a visceral feeling of wellbeing and love in humans which makes them happy. So, really, if I dialed back the pissy and flung out a few more pics of Yorkie I might be able reach a larger reader audience share than I have been able to garner in these past 14 days. I feel that this is a simple fix and, even though I might have to dumb-it-down with dull for a few of you lazys, I’m really here to share the love, God damn it.

Or maybe I could just have a f_cking Bloody Mary.

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Mafia Hairdresser


5 thoughts on “50 Days of 50: Read This Or The Dog Gets It – Day14

  1. The blog is great, and I love the dude-bitch attitude. I wrote a blog for several months while in Europe and got very few responses, but when I stopped blogging, everyone whined and wanted to know why. So keep blogging, and we’ll comment, I swear!

    1. Hi Elizabeth, I hear ya. I blog for TheLocalTourist.com and guest on a few other magazine (public). I used to get more responses and a readership there. But since I have to eBook novels to sell and two upcoming non-fiction books, I went back to drawing board and starting asking/reading/RE-learning how social media could increase my sales. What I learned: I had knowingly, up to that point, left out the most important part of “selling” eBooks. That component was to reach out/follow/converse with likemined writers and eBook readers. So, this summer will be the summer of blogging and Goodreads and increasing my dialogue with readers and writers via Facebook and twitter @mafiahairdresser (broad Chicago profile) & @judyshaumburg (fic character in my upcoming 3rd novel–this is a literary tweet profile only)
      I’ll let you know how it goes.
      PS: haha! I just realized that you are my hair client or you have exact name as one of my fav clients. I cannot tell by your profile pic. I’ll look closer into your profile. Either way: thank you!

  2. You are so correct, matey. When I post on less popular subjects, I use a picture of my cat. It works every time. The cat has more fans than I do.

    WordPress recommend that people like you and I conclude our posts by asking: “What do you think?” to our readers because it will encourage response.

    If I have to ASK my readers to “think”, then I am totally f***ed to begin with.

    Not too much tomato juice in mine please,..

    1. Thanks for the input. Much needed.
      I’m thinking of making this a real self-help book and posing a few questions and processes at the end of each chapter anyhoo. I think I might start tomorrow.
      I think I’ll ask life-changing questions such as “Do you have a purebred dog or a mutt and what do you think that says about you?” Or: “Sit down in a quiet place and picture yourself with just one more day to live and ask yourself: Did you really recycle or just when people were watching?”

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