50 Days of 50: Happy Birthday, PUSSY! DAY 7

Mafia Hairdresser

4/15/2012 Day 7

This is a birthday card I wrote for Hallmark Card company as part of my job interview with them as an in-house greeting-card writer. But they rejected it and me. They didn’t say it but I’m sure they didn’t hire me because of my age. Companies are like that. They think that, just because of “a number,” that we cannot stay “cutting edge.” Well I showed them cutting edge but, obviously, they didn’t think I could keep it up past 50.

Well, F-YOU, Hallmark-shmall-mark. You can’t have my talent! Not only am I a real hairdresser, I am also a talented cutting edge successful writer who’s still cutting! (Get it? See how I used the cutting thing throughout? WINNING, Hallmark-shmall-mark! WINNING!)

But you, dear reader, you can use my “Cutting Card.” (Maybe I’ll trademark that and make my own greeting card business with other talented AARP cutting edge writers?!) I usually send this card to all my younger friends–and just to the ones whom I cannot actually see in-person on their birthdays. If I do see my young friends in-person on their birthdays, I spill wine or something that stains on their clothing.

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From Cutting Edge Cards:

On the front of the card would be a picture of a sweet kitten and it would say: “Happy Birthday, PUSSY!”

On the inside of the card it would say:

Happy Birthday________!
You’re still just a kitten. So young. With your whole 3 out of 9 lives left ahead of you. You’ll grow more fluffy everyday; hairy, really — unless it all sheds off on your fav foofoo pillow. Your ears will droop and that scratchy personality won’t be as cute as it was. Oh puss, puss, puss… Soon your meow-tabolism will stop purring and just putt. Dare I say, watch the Flabby – Tabby? And get used to being passed over for petting because there’s always a new cat on your tail — ready to take your place on the couch by the human who adopted you and that same person who will soon replace you with a kitten. I Love Ya, Snow-Balls. I really do. I’d put you down if it ever got too hard for you. I’m not being catty. This is just pussy love.
Sign Here.

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